A subsequent Double

I sometimes tend to talk to myself. But, I've started to contradict myself at the same time.

We've all been in situations where we've talked to ourselves. Of course, there's no way to not admit it. We've sat down, and said our thoughts out loud. What relevance does this make at all? Plenty of them.

A chain of events occur, and your thoughts are running rampant, worried about school then the events that had occured. You become scatter brained and you just thinking in your head doesn't work. You begin to speak your thoughts to relieve that pressure within your mind. Is it you speaking? Or is it your mind?

Have you been alone in your house one day, talking to yourself with the frustration and annoyance of the 'chain of events', then after explaining it to yourself, you all of a sudden stop, then argue against it? It's your other personality of you, your other you that really isn't you. It's the side of you that doesn't exist in reality, but dwells as the 'negative' or 'opposite' of what you really are.

For those who never have had that happen to them, your alter-other exists, but only hiding within the deep dark parts of your mind. Where your own thoughts do not wish to go, as there is nothing they believe is tangible to grasp and locate. It'll slowly begin to creep out to the surface, and your thoughts and actions start to be questioned, thought out. Everything you've always done will begin to change slowly as seen fit to the double, and the double then adapts to what you changed and creates a new opposite for its own self.

Let it happen. Sometimes it's good to have a second thought.

A Fool's Game

It's strange how it takes people a while to realize they were played upon. Even I fall upon that curse.

Close out your current thoughts, clear your head. Now, place yourself on a stage as an average townsmen. A joker comes and offers a card trick. With a flick of the wrist and slight a hand, the card that you picked was removed from your pants pocket. You were played as the fool, not the fool that came to you.

Now, let's take a real moment in life. Perhaps, a friendship. You have that one friend that you enjoy, and it seems he enjoys you around as well. Then, he starts to ask things of you, which you unhesitatingly do, because you two are friends. But, you have nothing in return for everything you've done for him. Then, you stop talking to the person, and then you start to think under the surface.

The whole time, he was using you to get things... almost to show off.
The whole time, he earned your trust, and used it against you... because he knew it would work.

Though you were played for the fool, you aren't the fool. The player was the fool, you were the victim.

Gather against Release

I tend to give more than take, because I feel it is right. I feel that if I take, I'm not gaining anything but distrust.

Most of us in our time are all selfish, greedy. We want everything we see in this world, only caring for ourselves. But, what is a better way to gather things that we truly want?

Sometimes it's better to give than to receive. If you give, you gain much more trust and likeness into you from the others around you. If you continuously take, you are taken as a greedy person, and what kind of picture does that paint on your behalf? Not a very good one, right?

I've started to learn from the mistake of always giving, and never wanting to receive anything in return. I've always given people advice, photoshop images, help on anything basically. Sometimes it's not always good to just give rather than receive. You need to gain something in return, rather than being used and the acting of a 'friend'.

Working at a store and/or helping someone that you don't know out is a great example of gathering and releasing. You release your will of helping someone to find a specific item in the store, and, they give you a thanks. May not seem like much, but it was worth it right? Or, even working at a restraunt, serving people their food would gather you a tip from them, because they appreciated your services. And you can use that what you have gained to get what you desire in the material world.

Proportianate your gathering and releasing, half-half, and you'll gain respect and much more to yourself, even if it's not all material things.

The Crab's Way

What is one thing I tend to do over another? Think instinctively, but, question it with another process of thinking.

We tend to do things over another when we do specific things. Mainly, the same things we do on a daily basis. In a small example, let's say we walk our dogs at night. Normal to what dogs do, they'll usually pull to get ahead of you or run off. On instinct, we pull them back. Our regular reaction to this problem.

But, pulling back is not the best method. Mainly because you'd repeat it over and over again, and it wouldn't fix the problem you are having. Think conservingly. What is a good way to solve the problem. Personally, my solution to that problem that I had was to wrap the leash around my hand, and pull my dog close to me to try and tell him to stay with me.

Just because the crab walks sideways like he was made to do, doesn't mean he can't walk forward.

Thirst for Blood

I ask questions such as 'What do I do to acheive what I want?' Because wanting something, then actually going through the steps are two different things.

Blood is a reference to anything we want. We don't have to try and think something violent when we think of 'blood'. Think of it like a variable for something else, something that you've always wanted.

There are many ways to cure that thirst for blood. And it's usually a process. For example, what if your desire is to go and get some sort of fountain drink. The first thing on our mind, is that we need transportation. So we try to find that, so we can achieve that goal. Other things are not as simple, but, everything is a process.

Before trying to just get what you want, whether that's someone special, a material object such as a musical instrument, or anything of the like, don't let your thirst get to you, otherwise, you'll fail everytime you attempt to get those things. Plan things out before hand, and ask yourself, 'What do I need (to do) first?'

Falling Backwards

I can't help myself when I want to continue. What am I supposed to do, reject reality?

Falling backward is one of describing a loss of balance. And this balance could be many things. We'll fall back at the sight of fear, we'll fall back from a failure in front of us.

When I would try and play a song I had been learning, and I would mess up, I fell back and had to get back up, and try and continue to where the song is, assuming I was playing along with it. If you make a big mistake, we fall back so hard, we become injured, and have a harder time standing.

Instead of feeling as if we failed, take that failure and turn it to something big, and heal your injuries that may of been caused by the failure. And then, you'll be able to stand stronger, and more balance, on your more polished feet.

Half to Every Whole

Anything that I do, always has a good thing to it, and a bad thing to it, even if it is all well thought out.

Everything has a half, half a life, half a world, half a table, etc. There is even half a person.

"Look at things in a whole" some would say. I've even said that before, but for even more things that we need to sit down and think about, we have to look at the backdrop of everything, creating a 50% odds of anything.

Let's take a look at StarCraft(yes, I know I reference to this too much). There are good moves, then there are bad moves. No matter what move we can take, or strategy we do, there'll be a 50% chance of it not working. Even though I can throw some tanks into someone's base, what is the chance of them doing some sort of an air attack on me? 50%.

With that being said, for every action, there is always an equal opposite reaction, wether being in a technical physics way, or a common sense way. In common sense, we all seem to look at things we are going to do in the way that "Oh, it'll work my way." With that being said, that's not always true. This goes back to the 50% concept, because, even though it may of worked out, in the end, something bad has happened in return, if not to you.

Before taking action, sit down and think about what would happen in a good sense, and in a bad sense, and plan everything well. Because, there's a 50% chance that it'll fail.

Tree of Life

When I see a tree, I see myself.

I love trees, especially the Mid-spring trees. Green leaves, it's strong branches, the birds that encompass it. Its beautiful grace above us.

I think of a tree as our lives, the many things that hold it together. The trunk is our body, and how much it has grown, our maturity. The many branches are the support we've had, such as our friends, family. Then, we have the green leaves, which are the representation of our greatest memories in our lifetime. The greenest being the best memory to live onto.

When the fall hits, the tree beings to die, wither away into the cold winter. All of our memories, our strength, begins to fade off. When the spring starts, the trees begin to grow again, stronger than ever, regaining it's lush of leaves and life.

We have good times, and we have bad times. Our tree will be strong, lively, beautiful, during the good times. During the harsh times, it will be weak, because we are trying to gain our strength back and get everything back on track. We will always fluctuate, just like the tree of life.

The Closer

That sense of pride, that sense of finishing something great is so appealing to me. In the end, I can look back at it and say, 'I'm glad I did that.'

Some music lovers, like me, always tend to think about the end of a song we like. Could of it been ended a different way to change the whole view on the song? Could it have a slight change to maybe put more emphasis on the song as a whole?

These types of things we think about all the time, even subconsciously. Even in sports. Usually, at the end of songs that Emman and I would sometimes decide to play that we were making, we go impromptu, because we don't know how to end it. Without thinking about it, the next time we play it, we end it a different way, and then it trails to the middle of the song and so on.

In baseball, there is a closing pitcher to wrap things up usually. He is the decider for the end of the game on how it should be played out. At the end, especially during a loss, we look back and wonder "Could of he done a different pitch to not cause that almost-made run?". It's the same in all sports or any day-to-day things.

Regret is one thing that can cause us to look back immediately. Random thoughts cause us to look back at something in the past and just think about it and wonder about anything we could of done differently in the end. And it bugs us, and we replay it changing the situation, even if it's not regret. If we give it time, our focus will tune back to our present thinking.

Imperfect Past

The past is something we want to look back on. Photographs help us with that, and it makes me think to myself, 'Those days were great.'

"You can't change the past" someone told me. That's true, to an effect. We have the past for a reason. To look back and remember back at those times. But, more importantly, to look back and fix our mistakes for the future.

Emman would tell me "Dude, who cares, it was the past." after my continous rants about the many days we had fun or the many stories I had to tell. Usually it depended on the story. I would look back at the many things in the past when I walk down the 'Star Dust Speed Way'. I would never look back at the stupid things, because it had nothing to do with me anymore. Because, those people I were once around no longer exist in my eyes.

I don't look back at those things because I have no use for them. The only things that I do have use for are the things that I've done wrong, rather than who I was around. If you look at someone else's past, you judge them, not yourself. So look back at your own past and fix your mistakes in the present.

The past is set, the present is here, the future is unpredictable. We can set our future correctly, by setting the correct variables. To set the variables, we must look back at our mistakes in the past, fix them in the present, and be set for the perfect future.

A False Triumph

It feels great when you've finally done something successfully, even though I can later find that it really happened a different way.

Succeed is the word that I use in my day-to-day pep talks or explanations of something in life. There's many ways we can look at success.

"If you do this, we can succeed in this match." I would say to my partners in a game of StarCraft, referring 'this' to anything. Now, at first, most people out there who know starcraft and think about it, your first thought might be 'Why say that at the beginning of a game?' I never mentioned that at the beginning of anything, it was sometime in the middle of the game.

A lot of the moves I remember taking in a 4-player chess match or even the 3 verse 3 team basher StarCraft matches felt successful, but later proved to be bad moves, or my loss was bound to happen. When I successfully unleash the army behind enemy lines, it proves good, but then bad later. You still feel successful on doing your move, yet, you still lost.

Why still feel like you were the victor when you really lost? Because we feel triumphant inside, that we played our hearts out, we did our best in what we did of what we thought was the best option, even though it may of been the bad one.

The Color of Gray

If there's one thing I like, it's a choice. A choice between choosing between what is right from wrong or what you believe is true.

One thing that we, as teens, see as we grow up, is groups. Everything tends to be in a group, rock group, rap group, etc. We want to be 'cool', so we conform.

This isn't saying that conforming is bad, but there's people that don't try to be an individual. When I play my bass with Emman playing his guitar, I try multiple different styles to play along with what he's playing, because just choosing one way isn't good. It's the same as you progress through the song, so, instead of doing one same beat that you did earlier, you could change it a bit slightly to make it different.

Same thing could be looked at in life. We want to be like an actor, or even like this one kid in school, so we try to join the group to get this pseudo-authenticity. Make us feel we are that, instead of what we originally are. An individual.

When we conform, and show no individuality, and we become the color of gray. Where, instead, we can show who we really are and show our vibrant colors.

The Fourth Vision

There's many ways I look at things in this day. There could be one thing I think about from time to time, and it's not just about a specific person, or thing. Rather, it's something of nature. Though, not necessarily the world.

There is sometimes those days where, at night, I want to take a walk somewhere. Anywhere. I usually walk down the big road, 'Star Dust Speed Way' and I look down upon the city lights in the direction it drags down. I watch how they either flicker or stay in a small ball of light and just think. But, I don't know about what half of the time. One thing I always remember thinking about is: "What is it like down there?"

I can remember when a good friend of mine, who I like to call "Emman", always would play these amazing guitar riffs. It amazed me so much, and I would just sink into the music, and felt the need to just want to hear them over and over again, and even to this day, I look back and say 'I wish we could play that again', but we wouldn't ever remember the chord progressions.

I've had an idea here and there, it may be good, it may be bad, but it didn't seem to matter to me or Emman in a way. Emman would have a fair share of ideas as well. "What if you tried to play this.." And he'd mimic a bass riff on his acoustic guitar (which he still has to this day) and I'd consider it and try it. And I would just like the ideas.

I wish I could do things like that on other things in life, have an idea or something that came out to be good. "Play the fifth fret, then slide to the first and back to seven." Music is the way to the soul, and it's the only thing I tend to live on.

Friends and music tend to go hand at hand, but I don't let the bad things in life get in the way of that. If anything, I look at the things I see from day to day, and compare it to a song that I know from the music I listen to, or even try to imagine it as a song.

If you see something that either moves you or just gets to you, relate it to something you like (ie, me and music). Only then would you understand it fully in your own vision.